Matthew Kaplan
Tallahassee,FL
Summary
Stubborn and creative single male in his early 20s. Strong smile and personality built to last even when unwarranted. Witty in situations where people don't want jokes to be made. Looking to make a career out of gaslighting people into thinking they have problems so they keep coming back to talk to me while I take notes.
Overview
21
21
years of professional experience
Work History
World Explorer
The Short Amount Of Time I Have On Earth
09.2021 - Current
- Expanded geographical knowledge by giving money to cheap airlines for years.
- Developed comprehensive exploration plans for successful expeditions typically ChatGPT made them honestly
- Collaborated with other cultures to expand my limited world knowledge
- Saw the most incredible views; Northern Lights, Petra, Sedona, Alps, and Dead Sea for example
Music Enthusiast
Kid Cudi
05.2003 - Current
- Evaluated new music and artists as they came out.
- Educated friends and family on why Hip-Hop IS music and IS probably better than their music
- Developed my impeccable taste by constantly listening to bangers on bangers
Jew
The Powers That Be
05.2003 - Current
- Managed time inefficiently, I was busy controlling the weather.
- Demonstrated respect, friendliness, and willingness to help wherever there was money in it.
- Excellent Hebrew skills, both verbal and written.
- Used critical thinking to both love my religion and not believe in a G-D
Dealer (Kush)
Me
01.2023 - 04.2023
- Enhanced customer satisfaction by rolling for them or complimenting their shirt (It was always ugly)
- Managed inventory ineffectively, as I would "get high on my own supply"
- Strengthened relationships with addicted customers to ensure they would keep buying off me
Education
Bachelor of Arts - Rolling And Terminology Studies
Michael And Jonahs School For Stoners
Jerusalem12.2021
High School Diploma -
Atlanta Jewish Academy
Sandy Springs, GA05.2021
Skills
- Emergency Passport Experience
- Smiling and Waving
- International Smuggling of Greens
- Plant identification
- Lying
Timeline
Dealer (Kush)
Me
01.2023 - 04.2023
World Explorer
The Short Amount Of Time I Have On Earth
09.2021 - Current
Music Enthusiast
Kid Cudi
05.2003 - Current
Jew
The Powers That Be
05.2003 - Current
Bachelor of Arts - Rolling And Terminology Studies
Michael And Jonahs School For Stoners
High School Diploma -
Atlanta Jewish Academy
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